Today's Headlines View All → Launches New Site For Loudmouth Mommies to Swap Insults and Judge One Another While Droning on Endlessly About Their Stupid and Unoriginal Opinions About Everything.

By   2 days ago

site founders, who wisely predicted that women permanently banned from such websites as or for bad behavior would kill for the opportunity to get back in the game, has finally gone live. “We’re fully aware that some view us as urbanbaby and’s sloppy seconds,” said founder Karla Dworin. “But believe me, if you saw some of the originality, effort, and literary acrobatics that go into these women’s unprompted insults and character eviscerations, you’d realize these bitches are anything but sloppy. Caitlin [...]

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Placenta: What Is It? Will We Ever Understand its Real Purpose?

By   53 days ago

placenta main graphic

“Mr. Clunie, what would you like us to do with the placenta?” “What would I like you to do with the placenta? I don’t know, how about you throw it away?” I hadn’t prepared myself for nurse Weirdo’s reaction, or the doozie which followed: “Have you and your wife not made plans for her placenta?” Long pause …complete with the world’s first visible, hovering question mark (over my head). “OK then,” she said. “Let’s keep the placenta refrigerated until you’ve given this the attention it deserves.” [...]

Unskilled Face-painter Gives Up On Executing “The Perfect Batman” in Lieu of “The Much Easier Blackface.”

By   67 days ago

lil blackface

A Montessori School volunteer’s good intentions were undermined by his glaring lack of artistic ability this weekend as several children were seen exiting his face-painting station sporting inky, unmistakable blackface. David Kolwurst, who had happily volunteered for face-painting duty, readily admitted that his frustration at pulling off the well-known (and not particularly difficult), Batman mask got the best of him. “You know what? Batman is actually not as easy to paint as people think. Especially when the kid is squirming and sweating and whatnot. At [...]

Boy With Two Daddies Desperately Needs a Male Role Model

By   80 days ago

gay kid

Seven-year-old Aiden Stevens has a daddy with whom any young boy would be thrilled. Unfortunately, he has another, equally excellent daddy; which means that, essentially, he is completely lacking in the masculine role model department. Lance Carson and Topher Grillo, partners for 12 years, adopted young Aiden in 2007. Since then, Aiden has not wanted for love, guidance, and a strong fashion aesthetic; but relatives and some teachers at his school worry about the effects of being raised in a macho-less home. “Don’t get me [...]

Baby Shower Gift Clearly Meant To Be Worn By A Small Dog

By   90 days ago

doggy dress 1

An Upper West Side baby shower took a turn for the worse Sunday afternoon when the mom-to-be was given an adorable poke-a-dot dress for her unborn baby girl. The problem? “The dress was clearly intended for a lap dog,” said the offended recipient, Andrea Arena. “I mean, nevermind that the dress came with a leash, but the label on the dress - Doggone Darlin’, is in the shape of a fucking dog biscuit. It was pretty obvious.” “At first we all laughed, thinking it was a [...]

Lifetime Worth of “Time-outs” Finally Exceeds Cumulative “Time-ins” For World’s shittiest Child.

By   96 days ago

bad kid flat

Saturday at exactly 12:30 PM marked the precise moment that five-year-old little dickhead Arthur Kroll went from a life of time-ins with intermittent (albeit frequent) time-outs, to a life of time-outs with intermittent time-ins. This the result of careful calculations on the part of his fed-up parents, who knew that once he hit hour 11,763, tow-headed little Arthur would become a boy who is statistically mostly good (but occasionally bad), to occasionally good (but mostly fucking intolerable). His last act of brattiness, which was “to [...]

Minivan Sticker a Painful Reminder of Adopted Boy’s Place in Family

By   116 days ago

car with stickers

For as long as he can remember, Trang Silverberg’s parents have expressed their love and support for the adopted Korean 11-year-old, reassuring him that they will always love him just as much as his siblings. “They always say, ‘we love you just like your normal brother and sister!’ said Trang, in a recent phone interview. “But I’m starting to not believe them.” Trang, the family’s eldest child, was adopted by James and Anne Silverberg after the couple was informed that she was unable to conceieve [...]

White Trash Couple Plans Underwater Birth – In Above-ground Pool

By   116 days ago

parenteer editor

If Jayson Huskey has his way, the ten-person town of McMullen, Alabama, is about to become known for much more than simply being the state’s smallest. “Me and the old lady are gonna have an underwater birth…right here is our own pool,” said the 29-year-old Jiffy Lube technician. “I’ve already scooped the dead frogs, beer cans, and sofa cushions from the pool so little April can enter the world in an uncluttered manner, and not be bobbing around in a bunch of refuse and whatnot.” [...]