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Thirteen-Year-Old Boy’s Voice Changing – Into That of a Thirty-Six-Year-Old Cuban Woman

By   192 days ago

teen boy

For Katelyn and Stuart Johnson, It was of little surprise when their son, thirteen-year-old David, started speaking differently. After all, they watched their twin boys go through the very same thing years earlier when they were at the awkward age of thirteen. What did shock the Greenwich, CT, couple, however, was the extent of the change. “We assumed David would just start speaking in a lower register, said forty-five-year-old Katelyn. “But when he started sounding not unlike a sassy thirty-something Cuban woman, it really threw [...]

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Henna Swastika Tattoo Calls Into Question Man’s Dedication to White Supremacist Group.

By   197 days ago

skinhead

A White Plains, New York white supremacist group is starting to have serious doubts about its newest member, Carl Johannsen, after it was discovered that the large swastika tattoo covering his back was actually not a permanent sign of his dedication, but rather a decidedly less permanent tattoo made of henna. “We was partaking in our annual water-balloon fight Saturday evening at my house up north when Carl’s tattoo got all wet and started to run,” said group member and event planner, Dale Higgins. “He [...]

Upper West Side African-American Women Adopting White Babies at Fever Pitch

By   198 days ago

af-am woman FLAT blurred

The next time you find yourself sitting on one of the benches at your favorite Upper West Side playground or park, take a good look around at the other moms. And then look at their child. Then look at the mom again. Now back at the child…the mom…the child…the mom…the child…the mom…the child. OK, did you notice anything unusual? “The sheer number of African-American women adopting white babies is astounding,” said longtime neighborhood resident Nancy Cauley. “And I think it’s wonderful!” “I remember, years ago, [...]

Four-Year-Old’s Search For Hidden Gifts Instead Yields Dad’s Cache of Juggs Magazine and Penis Pump

By   222 days ago

better juggs

Desperately hoping to stumble upon the Polar Express Train set or the Angry Birds stuffed animals he had asked his parents for, little Jimmy Campbell instead unearthed his father’s stack of Juggs magazines and a bright red, Excalibur brand penis pump Saturday evening. Compounding an already uncomfortable situation was the four-year-old’s decision to parade the items into the living room during a neighborhood bridge tournament held at his parents Queens home. “Highlight of the year, no doubt!” beamed an amused Todd Perron, one of the [...]

Local Westchester Grandma a Total GILF

By   271 days ago

GILF

66-year-old grandmother Sharon Puzzaglia is a toal GILF, according to her 8-year-old grandson Jacob’s straight friends. “Oh yeah, Jacob’s gramma is definitely a GILF,” said 7-year-old Jimmy Vetere. “She has really big boobs and an awesome white hair wig.” Oddly enough, Jacob’s mom, Suzie, is most definitely not a MILF. Further proof that this sort of thing often skips a generation. Made aware of her inclusion into this special club, Puzzaglia said, “Oh that is so cute! I would like to friend them too!”

Hitler “A Dick,” According To Upper West Side Student’s Winning Book Report

By   273 days ago

hitler dick

Local Upper West Side twelve year-old Brian Galavan pulled no punches when considering the title for a recent assignment given to him at PS-334. The title, which teachers found to be insightful, concise, and perfectly accurate, was: “Hitler = dick.” “I had heard about the guy from my parents before, but after I really sat down and learned what this jerk did, boy, he really made me mad.” The report, which earned Galavan a “P” (PS-334 grades on a Pass/Fail basis), was submitted to The Wittington [...]

Husband Poos Self During Wife’s Traumatic Delivery

By   273 days ago

pooper with red eyes

They say there are two kinds of women in this world: women who defecate on the delivery room table, and women who lie about (not) defecating on the delivery room table. Apparently, there are two kinds of men out there as well: men who poo upon seeing the gore of childbirth, and men who do not. Unfortunately for Dave Moynihan; any and all future accomplishments – no matter how grand or earth-shattering – will forever be tainted due to his inclusion in the poo group. “It’s like [...]

IS YOUR TEEN ON GOD?

By   290 days ago

god freak

It’s every parent’s worst nightmare. One minute your teenage child is the sullen, misanthropic jerk who hates everything about you that you’ve come to tolerate, and the next: they’re a wide-eyed, alert and happy God-freak; spewing nauseating positivity all over the place. There are no real answers for why this happens to teenagers (and their parents), year after year, but that doesn’t stop traumatized parents from asking these same three questions. Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently? What the fuck?! [...]