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Local Westchester Grandma a Total GILF

By   30 days ago


66-year-old grandmother Sharon Puzzaglia is a toal GILF, according to her 8-year-old grandson Jacob’s straight friends. “Oh yeah, Jacob’s gramma is definitely a GILF,” said 7-year-old Jimmy Vetere. “She has really big boobs and an awesome white hair wig.” Oddly enough, Jacob’s mom, Suzie, is most definitely not a MILF. Further proof that this sort of thing often skips a generation. Made aware of her inclusion into this special club, Puzzaglia said, “Oh that is so cute! I would like to friend them too!”

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Hitler “A Dick,” According To Upper West Side Student’s Winning Book Report

By   31 days ago

hitler dick

Local Upper West Side twelve year-old Brian Galavan pulled no punches when considering the title for a recent assignment given to him at PS-334. The title, which teachers found to be insightful, concise, and perfectly accurate, was: “Hitler = dick.” “I had heard about the guy from my parents before, but after I really sat down and learned what this jerk did, boy, he really made me mad.” The report, which earned Galavan a “P” (PS-334 grades on a Pass/Fail basis), was submitted to The Wittington [...]

Husband Poos Self During Wife’s Traumatic Delivery

By   32 days ago

pooper with red eyes

They say there are two kinds of women in this world: women who defecate on the delivery room table, and women who lie about (not) defecating on the delivery room table. Apparently, there are two kinds of men out there as well: men who poo upon seeing the gore of childbirth, and men who do not. Unfortunately for Dave Moynihan; any and all future accomplishments – no matter how grand or earth-shattering – will forever be tainted due to his inclusion in the poo group. “It’s like [...]


By   49 days ago

god freak

It’s every parent’s worst nightmare. One minute your teenage child is the sullen, misanthropic jerk who hates everything about you that you’ve come to tolerate, and the next: they’re a wide-eyed, alert and happy God-freak; spewing nauseating positivity all over the place. There are no real answers for why this happens to teenagers (and their parents), year after year, but that doesn’t stop traumatized parents from asking these same three questions. Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently? What the fuck?! [...]

Boy With Two Daddies Desperately Needs a Male Role Model

By   99 days ago

gay kid

Seven-year-old Aiden Stevens has a daddy with whom any young boy would be thrilled. Unfortunately, he has another, equally excellent daddy; which means that, essentially, he is completely lacking in the masculine role model department. Lance Carson and Topher Grillo, partners for 12 years, adopted young Aiden in 2007. Since then, Aiden has not wanted for love, guidance, and a strong fashion aesthetic; but relatives and some teachers at his school worry about the effects of being raised in a macho-less home. “Don’t get me [...]

Minivan Sticker a Painful Reminder of Adopted Boy’s Place in Family

By   100 days ago

car with stickers

For as long as he can remember, Trang Silverberg’s parents have expressed their love and support for the adopted Korean 11-year-old, reassuring him that they will always love him just as much as his siblings. “They always say, ‘we love you just like your normal brother and sister!’ said Trang, in a recent phone interview. “But I’m starting to not believe them.” Trang, the family’s eldest child, was adopted by James and Anne Silverberg after the couple was informed that she was unable to conceieve [...]

Gifted/Talented Students to Get Longer Buses

By   103 days ago

long bus

It’s been three long years in the works, but the parents of the city’s gifted/talented have finally gotten their wish: longer buses for their brilliant children. “It just goes to show you, perseverance pays off – especially when the cause, or need, in this case – is such an obvious one,” said Gail Barton, whose son, Asher, is enrolled in the gifted/talented program at P.S. 75. “The other mothers and fathers got the ball rolling with a huge letter-writing campaign directed at city education officials [...]

Woman Eight Months Pregnant Commits Massive Nip Slip

By   113 days ago

nip slipper

Several Whole Foods shoppers and employees got an eyeful of areola Saturday afternoon thanks to Diane McCann’s gargantuan nip-slip. McCann, who is eight months pregnant, first (inadvertantly) introduced Whole Foods deli manager Darren Osten to her rogue nipple after bending over to retrieve the shopping list she had dropped in front of his deli case. “Even seeing the nip-slip through the distorted deli glass, I knew this thing was special,” said Osten. “I called one of my guys over to have a look – so [...]