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10-year-old Luke Collins of 255 West 95th Street (apartment 2B) Between Broadway and Amsterdam Blamed for Current Flu Season.


By   /   January 15, 2014  /   No Comments



lil lukes lifeThe terrible flu season that caused many of us to spend December and much of January in the bathroom, missing out on holiday revelry and work obligations, has been traced back to this little boy: 10-year-old Luke Collins of 255 West 95th Street, between Broadway and Amsterdam, apartment 2B.

Pinpointing the sole cause of a flu such as this is a first for The Center of Disease Control in Washington, who are appealing to New Yorker’s understanding and compassion to resist the urge to reach out to the boy, whose home, incidentally, is most easily reached via the 1, 2, 3, B, or D trains (2 and 3 are express, fyi, and B trains don’t run on weekends).

The four-foot seven-inch, brown-haired, freckled Collins, who spends almost all of his spare time practicing with his soccer team at the Riverside and 88th Street soccer fields on tuesdays and Thursdays from 3:00 until 4:30, half-heartedly apologized Sunday for his irresponsible behavior, vowing to be more careful in the future.

Collins’ 58-year-old doorman, Trevor Williams, who typically takes his dinner break from 4:45 to 5:30 Monday through Thursday, and 5:00 to 5:45 on Friday (essentially allowing any stranger off the street to wander right on in – no hassles!) , said he harbors no ill will toward the boy, despite having spent the entire month of December violently ill.

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