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Crib’s Battery-Drained Music Box Sounds Like Every Horror Film Ever Made

By   /  February 26, 2013  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

freaked out baby

If you’ve seen even one horror movie in your lifetime, you are no doubt familiar with the genre’s penchant for tweaking and warping a well-known children’s song – by way of slowing down or otherwise altering its speed. This technique has become a scary movie staple by playing right into a visceral reaction we have [...]

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Grampa Talks Longingly of Summers Spent Playing Marco Polio

By   /  February 21, 2013  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

If there’s one thing Grampa Walsh can talk about for hours on end, it’s those bygone summer days spent playing Marco Polio in the lakes and ponds of Buffalo, New York. “Ah, I was the king of the lakes in those days,” said Walsh from the Sunset Daze nursing home in West Seneca, New York. [...]

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Mother of 21-Month-Old Boy, 46-Month-Old Girl Needs to Move to The Goddamn Year System of Time-Keeping.

By   /  February 19, 2013  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

“You know what I call a 15-month-old baby?” asked (an anonymous) friend of Morristown, NJ mom Lisa Newcombe. “A one-year-old. That’s what.” Several of Mrs. Newcombe’s friends and relatives are growing increasingly annoyed with the 32-year-old mother of three and her inability to move from the “month-system” to the less confusing “year-system” – a move [...]

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Hot, damp baby wipes…”Gee, thanks mom!”

By   /  February 14, 2013  /  Stuff for Junior  /  No Comments

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Portrait Photographer With a Flair for Photo Retouching Helps New Moms Look Their Best On Delivery Day

By   /  February 14, 2013  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

bundy FLAT

There are few times in a woman’s life more prideful than the day she gives birth. But the thought of being photographed after hours of pushing and straining and sweating can be stressful. Here, dear readers, is where photographer/retoucher Jac Ledoux comes in. Ledoux, who began his career as a wedding and funeral photographer, realized firsthand the need [...]

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“Seth” No Longer Acceptable Name

By   /  February 14, 2013  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

If they gave cakes to people with terrible first names, each and every Seth trampling the earth beneath them would be a blubbery, cake-stained abomination. Fortunately, this ghastly name has quite deservedly been removed from the NANL (National Association of Names List). “I for one am happy knowing that children everywhere will be safe from [...]

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Mama got weed

By   /  February 13, 2013  /  OP/ED  /  No Comments

    DEAR ETHICEER, Our son took a job bagging groceries recently, and has since proven himself dependable, eager, and hardworking. My wife and I are very proud of him. Unfortunately, we discovered that he has been spending this hard-earned money on marijuana. As occasional marijuana smokers ourselves, we cannot in good conscience reprimand him, but at [...]

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No milk for you

By   /  February 12, 2013  /  OP/ED  /  1 Comment

      DEAR ETHICEER, Nothing on this wonderful green earth gives me greater joy than breastfeeding my two-year-old son, Quinn. This special bond is almost indescribable, and I plan on breastfeeding for as long as is acceptable, but I do not wish to be one of  “those moms” who keeps her child on the breast [...]

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funstuff

By   /  February 11, 2013  /  funstuff  /  No Comments

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Teen Corner

By   /  February 6, 2013  /  teencorner  /  No Comments

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