New Mom VERY Grateful For Mother-in-law’s Steady Stream of Unsolicited Tips, Advice

There is nothing a new mom – delirious from the thirteen consecutive sleepless nights – appreciates more than the onslaught of a mother-in-law’s unsolicited tips and detailed baby-tending instructions. Just ask Janice Tierney who, after giving birth to a colicky baby girl after thirty-seven hours of labor, can tell you. Mrs. Tierney’s mother-in-law, Ellen Tierney, [...]
Read More →Unresolved Playdate Leads To Severe Case of Blue Balls For Local Toddler

A very fun playdate with Margo Sanchez, three, turned into a horrible case of blue balls for little four-year-old Zack Ellington of Chelsea. The painful date, set up by Margo’s nanny, started with a vigorous Lego session, followed by hummus sandwiches and grapes, then twenty-five minutes of Dora the Explorer. Upon turning the TV off, the [...]
Read More →Elmo Spawns Generation Of Young Assholes Speaking In the Third Person

There are only two things on this earth worse than an entitled, egotistical child: genital warts and Bethany Frankel. Fortunately, you’re unlikely to cross paths with either since, as a parent, you are probably not having risky sex with wart-sportin’ strangers; and Bethany Frankel run-ins will be primarily of the televised kind. The self-obsessed, ego-maniacal [...]
Read More →Baby’s Rectal Thermometer Nowhere To Be Found…Oh, Wait!
New mom, Carolyn Gurewald, was headed for the door; coat on, car keys in hand – when she finally remembered where she had last seen her two-month-old daughter’s rectal thermometer. “After searching high and low for forty-five minutes, I figured, ‘Well, I guess I’d better pop out to the thermometer store for one of them [...]
Read More →Delousing Parties All the Rage For Itchy Upper West Side Families

There were over fifteen thousand guests at little Bobby Astrid’s last party, but by the time it was over, only ten remained. Why? Because this was a very special party; a party that hundreds of kids just like Bobby are having every day. It was a delousing party! “When I began telling people that I [...]
Read More →HIPSTER’S SON REFUSES TO WEAR RAMONES, CBGB’s TEE SHIRTS

Matt and Mary Reeves pride themselves on their carefully cultivated (if not exactly original) musical tastes and offbeat fashion sense. Prouder still are they of four-year-old Carter who, according to them, shares his parents’ love of the Ramones and the defunct Lower Manhattan rock institution, CBGB’s – all of which makes the youngster’s recent all-out [...]
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