Loading...
You are here:  Home  >  2014
Latest

Personalized “Self-Elf” Keeps Adults On Their Best Holiday Behavior

By   /  December 3, 2014  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

self elf

What if there were a tiny little you perched up on your living room bookcase, watching your every move this holiday season? Would its presence make you think twice before reaching for that ninth piece of double-nut fudge? Would it instill enough shame to make you reconsider “topping off” your eggnog with the whiskey flask [...]

Read More →
Latest

Toddler’s Toothpaste Primary Cause of Cavities, Tooth Decay

By   /  October 26, 2014  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

kids toothpaste

Maria Sanchez knew drastic measures were in order during a recent pre-Halloween party she attended with her son, three-year-old Ricky. Little Ricky, adorably dresssed as Thomas the Train, was asked to remove his novelty gag teeth before bobbing for apples. If only it had been that easy. “My boy’s teeth had gotten so bad, people [...]

Read More →
Latest

Devastating Upper West Side Blaze – Killing Eleven and Seriously Injuring thirty-five – Easily Best Day in Fire Engine-Loving Toddler’s Life!

By   /  October 19, 2014  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

kid w- blaze

A six-alarm fire swept through a huge swath of Columbus Avenue on Saturday, taking the lives of eleven souls, injuring dozens more, and destroying scores of homes and businesses. Firefighters from seven different Manhattan ladder companies responded to the fire, which was said to have caused upwards of 100 million in damages. “I think the [...]

Read More →
Latest

Blankie Intentionally Left Behind at Playdate

By   /  October 7, 2014  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

smug child

MANIPULATIVE, SNEAKY STAPLE OF THE SERIAL DATER PAYS OFF FOR LITTLE NOAH BRADLEE. “Oh, I left my earrings at your house last night, can I come get them?” “Hmm, I seem to have left my cell phone somewhere in your bedroom last night, looks like we’ll have to meet up today, doesn’t it?” We all [...]

Read More →
Latest

New Carbon Monoxide Detector Detects, Redistributes Snooze-Inducing Gas at The Push of a Button!

By   /  October 3, 2014  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

final carbon monoxide device

Bribery didn’t work. Threats didn’t work. And no earplug known to man could quell the constant crying and whining 32-year-old Anil Sukhuja-Woon (no relation!) was faced with on a recent Friday evening. Fortunately, her husband Carl had recently installed the Dozen-500 Carbon Monoxide Redistribution system. Not fifteen minutes later, the children were silent – blissfully dozing [...]

Read More →
Latest

Grampa Talks Longingly of Summers Spent Playing Marco Polio

By   /  September 3, 2014  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

If there’s one thing Grampa (Thomas) Walsh can talk about for hours on end, it’s those bygone summer days spent playing Marco Polio in the lakes and ponds of Buffalo, New York. “Ah, I was the king of the lakes in those days,” said Walsh from the Sunset Daze Nursing Home in West Seneca, New [...]

Read More →
Latest

Iowa Hospital Under Fire For Requesting New Mom Keep Oxygen Mask Secured To Face For Duration Of Hospital Stay

By   /  September 2, 2014  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

both ugly moms done

Doctors at The Yastremski Medical Center in Grafton Iowa are scrambling to cover their collective behinds after committing what has to be one of the most insensitive birthing incidents in recent memory. It started approximately halfway through Lara Holcomb’s delivery on Tuesday evening, when Nancy Lange, a junior member of the hospital’s OBGYN unit, began [...]

Read More →
Latest

Leaning Girl Very Excited About New Princess Shoes That Light Up!

By   /  August 16, 2014  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

club foot shoes

Little Lisa Norton (dubbed The leaning tower of Lisa), refused to wear an “elevator shoe” for her limb length discrepancy. Until a big-hearted cobbler made her a pair she couldn’t refuse. Lisa Norton, like most five-year-old girls, loves her princesses. She has a princess wand. She has a princess tiara. And she has, of course, [...]

Read More →
Latest

Scientists Still Searching For ADHD’s Cause

By   /  August 16, 2014  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

adhd cause

Despite years of research and millions of dollars by, like, literally hundreds upon hundreds of hospitals and research institutions, scientists are no closer to identifying what causes ADHD in children than they were twenty years ago. “There were times when the research community felt close to identifying said causes, but we have yet to be [...]

Read More →
Latest

Makers of Popular Baby Launcher Announce Recall

By   /  April 10, 2014  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

boing final

A recall has been announced by The Ziffman Company of Short Hills, N.J., regarding their wildly popular baby launcher – the Toddler Tosser 7000. 3,000 Toddler Tosser launch units, which are said to account for more than fifty percent of the company’s total revenues, were sold in the past six months alone. Sporting goods and [...]

Read More →