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Lifetime Worth of “Time-outs” Finally Exceeds Cumulative “Time-ins” For World’s shittiest Child.

By   /  April 27, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

bad kid flat

Saturday at exactly 12:30 PM marked the precise moment that five-year-old little dickhead Arthur Kroll went from a life of time-ins with intermittent (albeit frequent) time-outs, to a life of time-outs with intermittent time-ins. This the result of careful calculations on the part of his fed-up parents, who knew that once he hit hour 11,763, [...]

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White Trash Couple Plans Underwater Birth – In Above-ground Pool

By   /  April 8, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

parenteer editor

If Jayson Huskey has his way, the ten-person town of McMullen, Alabama, is about to become known for much more than simply being the state’s smallest. “Me and the old lady are gonna have an underwater birth…right here is our own pool,” said the 29-year-old Jiffy Lube technician. “I’ve already scooped the dead frogs, beer [...]

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Mom Mystified By Teenage Son’s Collection of Discarded Crusty Tube Socks

By   /  April 1, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

tube sock

The age-old mystery of where those missing socks go may never be answered, but for forty-three-year-old-mom Terry Welsh, that conundrum can wait – until she’s gotten to the bottom of the ever-growing presence of the crusty tube socks which have been showing up in and around her teenage son’s bedroom. “Most often, I find them [...]

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Baby’s Rectal Thermometer Nowhere To be Found… Oh, Wait!

By   /  April 1, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

New mom Carolyn Gurewald was headed for the door – coat on, Mountain Dew can in hand – when she finally remembered where she had left her two-month-old daughter’s rectal thermometer. “After searching the house for forty-five minutes, I figured, ‘Well, I guess I’d better pop out to the drugstore for one of them new [...]

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