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American Medical Association: Late-term Intercourse Counts As a 3-some!

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By   /   July 27, 2013  /   No Comments

In what is sure to be welcome news for male losers unfortunate enough to never have participated in a 3-some, the AMA today announced that late-term intercourse does indeed count as a 3-some, provided that the fetus is at least six months old, and the participating weiner comes within eight inches of the amniotic sack.

“What’s so thrilling about this announcement is that any man whose wife is mere months away from giving birth has surely resigned himself to the fact that the 3-some is never going to happen,” said Dr. Arun Sukhoja, a spokesman for the AMA.  “Because once that kid comes out – forget it. The odds of stumbling into a three-way once you’re a father are just, you know, very, very low.”

“Who knew I’d be crossing such diametrically-opposed conquests from my bucket list in the same year,” said expecting father and newly initiated 3-some-er, Dale Murphy. “Knocking up my old lady AND doing that 3-some? Wow.”

Dr. Sukhoja is quick to point out, however, that the mere reclassification from the AMA is only half the battle, as a woman six to nine months pregnant may very well not be in the mood for ANY kind of sexytime activities, nevermind a 3-some.

“I would hope that a man’s wife, pregnant or not, would dutifully support her husband’s dreams,” said Sukhoja. “In the same way a wife-to-be might say “’Oh go ahead…you’re only single for another week, you can pork the entertainment at your bachelor party,’” I would expect a woman would allow herself to be mounted for inclusion into this special 3-some club, as it were.”

Despite the years of exhaustive debate and frequent vacillation on the part of various AMA members, one quite unexpected trend has cropped up.

“Never have I seen so many couples preferring to NOT be told of the baby’s sex prior to birth,” said Dr. Caroline Rheamond of Merci Hospital in Sparta New Jersey. “It’s confounding, really.”

Dad-to-be Darren Spillman, however, shed some light on this unexpected trend. “Let me put it this way: Having a 3-some with a chick and another dude is not the ideal 3-some situation,” said Spillman. “So, by not knowing the sex of the baby, there’s no chance of being all weirded-out while you’re doing it, ya know? Sure, after the fact..if you find out it was a dude baby…it might be kinda crepy, but I’d prefer to just not know at all, and hope that it is a broad up in there.”

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