An Upper West Side baby shower took a turn for the worse Sunday afternoon when the mom-to-be was given an adorable poke-a-dot dress for her unborn baby girl. The problem?
“The dress was clearly intended for a lap dog,” said the offended recipient, Andrea Arena. “I mean, nevermind that the dress came with a leash, but the label on the dress - Doggone Darlin’, is in the shape of a fucking dog biscuit. It was pretty obvious.”
“At first we all laughed, thinking it was a gag gift,” said friend Debbie Macon. “But she [Maureen Clarke] insisted that the dress came from a hip West Village boutique. That’s when we all got really pissed. It wasn’t a joke. It was so uncomfortable I just wanted to disappear.”
Ms. Clarke, who works at the Petco on 97th Street and Columbus Avenue (which is owned and operated by her parents), maintained her position. “I’m not sure how that tag got on there or whatever. All I know is that I bought it from a cute, and very expensive baby store on Morton Street in the West Village. I don’t know what Andrea’s problem is. Hormones I guess. Yeah…it must be hormones from the baby probably, right?”
“It’s too bad, because Andrea and Maureen have been friends since high school,” said guest Diane McCann. “But I think this is it. Andrea is not going to forgive her for this.”
Some of the other attending guests blame Ms. Clarke’s burgeoning cocaine habit for her lack of judgement in recent months and her unwillingness to part with money.
“She was never like this before. This time last year she wouldn’t have pulled this kind of crap,” said Mrs. Arena’s husband, todd Arena. “Now she’s hoarding money, giving doggy dresses to pregnant women, and God knows what else. She’s a mess.”