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Boy With Two Daddies Desperately Needs a Male Role Model

By   /  August 24, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

gay kid

Seven-year-old Aiden Stevens has a daddy with whom any young boy would be thrilled. Unfortunately, he has another, equally excellent daddy; which means that, essentially, he is completely lacking in the masculine role model department. Lance Carson and Topher Grillo, partners for 12 years, adopted young Aiden in 2007. Since then, Aiden has not wanted [...]

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Minivan Sticker a Painful Reminder of Adopted Boy’s Place in Family

By   /  August 23, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

car with stickers

For as long as he can remember, Trang Silverberg’s parents have expressed their love and support for the adopted Korean 11-year-old, reassuring him that they will always love him just as much as his siblings. “They always say, ‘we love you just like your normal brother and sister!’ said Trang, in a recent phone interview. [...]

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Gifted/Talented Students to Get Longer Buses

By   /  August 20, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

long bus

It’s been three long years in the works, but the parents of the city’s gifted/talented have finally gotten their wish: longer buses for their brilliant children. “It just goes to show you, perseverance pays off – especially when the cause, or need, in this case – is such an obvious one,” said Gail Barton, whose [...]

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Woman Eight Months Pregnant Commits Massive Nip Slip

By   /  August 10, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

nip slipper

Several Whole Foods shoppers and employees got an eyeful of areola Saturday afternoon thanks to Diane McCann’s gargantuan nip-slip. McCann, who is eight months pregnant, first (inadvertantly) introduced Whole Foods deli manager Darren Osten to her rogue nipple after bending over to retrieve the shopping list she had dropped in front of his deli case. [...]

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Nannycams Still Catching “The Help” Ripping Us Off Blind

By   /  August 6, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

cookie thief

Do you ever wonder what kind of riffraff the woman you’ve entrusted with your defenseless, innocent babies is (or isn’t), doing while your slaving away at your job? Well, the answer might surprise you. Unless you have a nannycam; in which case the answer will probably not surprise you since you wouldn’t be spying on [...]

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Judgemental-Dbag-Mommy-Chat.com Launches New Site For Loudmouth Mommies to Swap Insults and Judge One Another While Droning on Endlessly About Their Stupid and Unoriginal Opinions About Everything.

By   /  July 31, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

site founders

Judgemental-Dbag-Mommy-Chat.com, who wisely predicted that women permanently banned from such websites as youbemom.com or urbanbaby.com for bad behavior would kill for the opportunity to get back in the game, has finally gone live. “We’re fully aware that some view us as urbanbaby and youbemom.com’s sloppy seconds,” said JDMC.com founder Karla Dworin. “But believe me, if [...]

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Placenta: What Is It? Will We Ever Understand its Real Purpose?

By   /  June 10, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

placenta main graphic

“Mr. Clunie, what would you like us to do with the placenta?” “What would I like you to do with the placenta? I don’t know, how about you throw it away?” I hadn’t prepared myself for nurse Weirdo’s reaction, or the doozie which followed: “Have you and your wife not made plans for her placenta?” Long [...]

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Unskilled Face-painter Gives Up On Executing “The Perfect Batman” in Lieu of “The Much Easier Blackface.”

By   /  May 27, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

lil blackface

A Montessori School volunteer’s good intentions were undermined by his glaring lack of artistic ability this weekend as several children were seen exiting his face-painting station sporting inky, unmistakable blackface. David Kolwurst, who had happily volunteered for face-painting duty, readily admitted that his frustration at pulling off the well-known (and not particularly difficult), Batman mask [...]

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Baby Shower Gift Clearly Meant To Be Worn By A Small Dog

By   /  May 4, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

doggy dress 1

An Upper West Side baby shower took a turn for the worse Sunday afternoon when the mom-to-be was given an adorable poke-a-dot dress for her unborn baby girl. The problem? “The dress was clearly intended for a lap dog,” said the offended recipient, Andrea Arena. “I mean, nevermind that the dress came with a leash, [...]

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Lifetime Worth of “Time-outs” Finally Exceeds Cumulative “Time-ins” For World’s shittiest Child.

By   /  April 27, 2015  /  Today's Headlines  /  No Comments

bad kid flat

Saturday at exactly 12:30 PM marked the precise moment that five-year-old little dickhead Arthur Kroll went from a life of time-ins with intermittent (albeit frequent) time-outs, to a life of time-outs with intermittent time-ins. This the result of careful calculations on the part of his fed-up parents, who knew that once he hit hour 11,763, [...]

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