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Couple’s First “Date Night” After New Baby Probably Not Going to Lead to Second Date

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By   /   February 3, 2013  /   No Comments

It was a night both Sheila and Tim Vetstein had been looking forward to for weeks. Sheila’s mom, Louise, came in from Boston to babysit, a reservation had been secured at the downtown celebrity hotspot, CELERY, and for the first time in recent memory, all parental duties were on hold. Unfortunately, however, the sparks were not flying – neither for Sheila nor for her husband of six years.

“I don’t know, i’m not really seeing a second date in our future,” said Sheila. “The connection just wasn’t there. He’s nice and all, but  if I had to choose between a date and a five-hour nap, I’m going with the nap.” Her husband shared this sentiment: “I don’t know why it was such a dud,” said Mr. Vetstein. “Maybe we were just too exhausted to engage in conversation. Initiating and carrying on a thoughtful, smart conversation takes a lot of work, and I’m just too damn tired. Perhaps we should have instead gone to a movie. Movies are great for those dates when you’re not quite sure if there’s going to be any real chemistry, and on the effort-scale, it’s about a three. Plus, you can sleep.”

The Oscar-nominated actor Mario Lopez, above, was spotted at the restaurant CELERY on the night of the Vetsteins’ terrible date. “They definitely don’t like each other that much,” said Lopez. “He’s a real flabby dude. I don’t blame her for not being into him. He needs to work out more. Chicks don’t like flab.”

Oscar-nominated actor Mario Lopez was spotted at the restaurant CELERY on the night of the Vetsteins’ terrible date. “They definitely don’t like each other that much,” said Lopez. “He’s a real flabby dude. I don’t blame her for not being into him. He needs to work out more. Chicks don’t like flab.

“First dates end in one of three ways,” said Eleanor G. Bulgara of Manhattan’s Ela-G-Bul Matchmaking Service. “The ideal outcome, obviously, is that both participants thoroughly enjoy themselves and agree to a second date. Scenario two is that only one of the daters views the night a success. And scenario three is that neither has any interest in pursuing date number two. This appears to be the case with Sheila and Tim.”

“I could have told you that within five minutes of observing this couple’s behavior,” said body language expert, Julie Lescarbeau.

Lescarbeau, who has critiqued the body language of such notable couples as Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson, had this to say about the Vetsteins’ PBL (perceived body language): “The most telling indicator of Sheila and Tim’s dissatisfaction with one another was their lack of eye contact. They rarely looked at each other, and in those few instances when their eyes did meet, signs of annoyance or anger were evident. Another key indicator was the amount of space they chose to place between themselves. Some couples lean forward slightly, indicating an eagerness to be with their partner, and some sit back in their chairs. The fact that Sheila and Tim chose to be seated at separate tables does not bode well for a second date.”

“I really hope he doesn’t ask for a second date,” said Sheila. “I’m kind of dreading that moment when he strolls out of the bathroom or rolls over in bed and says, ‘So…uhm, you want to…I don’t know, go out again?’ I hope not.”

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