A Staten Island father was giddy with relief yesterday after his worst fears were debunked upon learning that his gay son was NOT, in fact, a “bottom,” as he had long suspected.
Darrel Cletus, 44, thought his son Charlie, eighteen, might be a ‘bottom’ (a term commonly used to describe the more feminine, submissive half of a gay couple’s relationship), when he walked in on his son baking Monday afternoon.
“I come home early one day last week, kick off my boots, and there he is…my pride and joy…baking Goddamn cookies. I got real upset. That is, until I saw what he was baking.”
“You should have seen the look on his face – It was priceless,” gushed the attractive, masculine senior at Staten Island’s P.S. 215. “He relaxed once he saw that I was making football cookies…you know, little gingerbread cookies in the shape of footballs. We had a wonderful laugh!”
“Hey, look,” said Cletus. “I love my kid no matter what, but I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be upset if he was the ‘bottom’. You know, if he was the chick of the relationship…the wife. No son of mine is gonna be the girl in a gay relationship, I’ll tell you that much. What the hell would the guys at work say?”
Staten Island is currently home to over eight thousand ‘tops’, making it one of the country’s straightest-looking gay communities.