After discovering his young son’s Google search for ‘fat fat fat boobs’ and ‘naked sexy ladies,’ Larchmont, NY dad Jayson Aballera took it upon himself to have the much dreaded “talk” with his curious horn-ball son, nine-year-old Frankie.
But what started as a well-intentioned and informal talk about respecting women and age-appropriate material devolved into the importance of strategic, consistent search-history-clearing.
“Sure, I told him all about respect for women and the natural urges a young boy might have…blah blah blah,” said Aballera, “But just as important, I think, is having the tools to protect yourself from a wife’s, sorry, I mean a mom’s inevitable disgust, should you get caught.”
Aballera made sure to bestow his wealth of Google search savvy beyond simply pulling the drop down menu and clearing history.
“You have to ask yourself, ‘how long have I been looking at porn? Do I simply clear the last hour? The whole day? And if I clear the whole day and leave a completely empty search history, does this absence of anything searched for lead to more questions?’ And also, you have to empty your cache. And sometimes incriminating evidence shows up in your downloads folder in the form of .movs and .wmv files. Some of those Russian and Eastern European porn sites for some reason show up your downloads folder. It’s sneaky. So you gotta be careful to check that shit out too. But I was very thorough with Frankie. I think he really learned a lot and it was a great teaching moment for me, too.”