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Four-Year-Old’s Search For Hidden Christmas Gifts Instead Yields Dad’s Cache of Chocolate Juggs Magazine And Penis Pump

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By   /   December 17, 2013  /   No Comments

Desperately hoping to stumble upon the Polar Express Train set or the Angry Birds stuffed animals he had been hoping to find, little Henry Whitin instead unearthed his father’s stack of Chocolate Juggs magazines and a bright red Excalibur brand penis pump Saturday evening. Compounding the already upsetting situation was Henry’s decision to then parade the items into the living room during the neighborhood bridge tournament held at his parents Queens home.

“Highlight of the year, no doubt,” beamed an amused Richard McLeod, one of the eight neighbors present the night of the incident. “I think the kid had a feeling that the magazines were naughty, but he really had no idea what the pump was. Hell, it took me a few seconds to make sense of it…and I have one!”The curious boy’s dad, forty-two-year-old newspaper editor, Robert Whitin, attempted to play off the items as old, long-forgotten gag gifts but, according to those present, was woefully unsuccessful.“You could see how desperately [Robert's] wheels were spinning, trying to explain it away,” added family friend, John Grant. “But Robert is a notoriously bad liar. He turns bright red…starts to stammer…he’s incapable of putting one over on anybody.”

Whitin and his wife, Lucy (both of whom not only refused to comment on the incident but, unbelievably, actually denied the bridge tournament even took place), continued their hosting duties to the best of their ability until a series of long, uncomfortable silences, outbursts of spontaneous laughter, and heated bickering brought the evening to a halt.

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