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Four-Year-Old’s Search For Hidden Gifts Instead Yields Dad’s Cache of Juggs Magazine and Penis Pump

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By   /   December 20, 2015  /   No Comments

Desperately hoping to stumble upon the Polar Express Train set or the Angry Birds stuffed animals he had asked his parents for, little Jimmy Campbell instead unearthed his father’s stack of Juggs magazines and a bright red, Excalibur brand penis pump Saturday evening. Compounding an already uncomfortable situation was the four-year-old’s decision to parade the items into the living room during a neighborhood bridge tournament held at his parents Queens home.

“Highlight of the year, no doubt!” beamed an amused Todd Perron, one of the eight neighbors present the night of the incident. “I think the kid had a feeling that the magazines were naughty, but he really had no idea what the pump was. Hell, it took me a few seconds to make sense of it…and I’ve seen them before!”

The curious boy’s dad, forty-two-year-old defense attorney Mark Campbell, attempted to play off the items as gag gifts but, according to those contacted for this story, was woefully unsuccessful.

“You could see how desperately [Mark’s] wheels were spinning, trying to explain it away,” added family friend Margaret Byerly. “But he’s actually a pretty terrible liar. Especially for an attorney.”

Campbell and wife Caitlin, both of whom refused to comment on the incident, continued their hosting duties to the best of their ability but, not surprisingy, the night was brought to an eventual halt by uncomfortable silences, outbursts of spontaneous laughter, and bickering.

 

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