The American Pediatric Association stunned parents everywhere yesterday by announcing the planned reversal of the front-to-back wipe, the longstanding, classic method for keeping clean the infant female genitalia.
“You know, the whole front-to-back thing, as it pertains to the wiping of the female, uh…hoodilybob and the folds and whatnot, isn’t nearly as important as we had once thought,” said APA spokesman, Marcus Woolcot. “Like, you know, just be careful down there.”
Upon hearing news of the reversal, parents immediately called into question the APA’s decision, based on what they’re saying is, “just plain, common, wiping sense.”
“The front-to-back method exists for a reason,” said Monica Freeman. “This news is entirely illogical and I, for one, plan to continue wiping as I see fit, which is front-to-back.”
Despite mounting resistance to the proposed reversal, the APA will be launching a public service campaign in the coming months: one urging new moms to pay close attention to the new wiping regimen. The campaign, expected to consist of television commercials and transit posters, will bear the theme: “Back-to-front. It’s the right thing to do!”
Back-to-front is not the first child-focused initiative to draw fire from parents. Just last year, a campaign from the Obesity Research and Education Organization (OREO), carrying the theme: “Nobody likes a fatso,” rumpled the feathers of parents who felt the slogan was insensitive to fatsos. In an unusual move on the part of OREO, the organization modified its slogan to a somewhat more tactful, “Nobody likes a fat person.”