After three frustrating years of false starts and stinging self-rejection, Maplewood, New Jersey sophomore David Jenkins finally managed to get to third with himself, thanks to a couple shots of peach schnapps he snagged from his mom’s liquor cabinet.

“At first I was like, ‘should I do it? Should I just go for it?’ …but I was still a little nervous. But then I remembered my friend Jake telling me that he got into his girlfriend Becky’s undergarments after he got her kind of drunk so I figured, ‘hey maybe I could work up the nerve to get into my undergarments with a little liquor.’ So after drinking the Schnapps and putting on a couple condoms, I was off to the races. It was pretty good. I think I might do it again sometime just to see if it still works.”