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Japanese Company’s ‘Limited Edition Figit Spinners’ Actually Just Over-Stocked, Repackaged Throwing Stars

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By   /   May 25, 2017  /   No Comments

A Japanese company is facing heavy fines and possible criminal charges for repackaging and selling its massive overstock of dangerous throwing stars. The throwing stars, sold as Limited Edition Figit (SIC) Spinners, has been blamed for serious (though non life-threatening), injuries in over twenty-six countries, including fourteen in the U.S.

“The injuries have primarily been semi-deep lacerations,” said Andrew McKay of The Roseville Trauma Center in Roseville, Connecticut. “And on their own, these lacerations are hardly life-ending, but when you account for the fact that many of these throwing stars were rusty, then you’re talking about stitches and shots, which does not sit well with this primarily young fidget-spinning audience.”

Despite irrefutable evidence and a blatant disregard for local laws, The Miyuri Throwing Star and Sword Company still plans on fighting the allegations.

“I mean, come on guys. You’re called the Miyuri Throwing Star and Sword Company for fuck’s sake,” said Daryl Hallard, one of the many plaintiffs named in a lawsuit against the company. How could you possibly even deny this?”

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