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Mother of 21-Month-Old Boy, 46-Month-Old Girl Needs to Move to The Goddamn Year System of Time-Keeping.

By   /   February 19, 2013  /   No Comments

“You know what I call a 15-month-old baby?” asked (an anonymous) friend of Morristown, NJ mom Lisa Newcombe. “A one-year-old. That’s what.”

Several of Mrs. Newcombe’s friends and relatives are growing increasingly annoyed with the 32-year-old mother of three and her inability to move from the “month-system” to the less confusing “year-system” – a move that Mrs. Newcombe seems unwilling to execute.

“It’s getting really bad,” remarked husband Trey Newcombe. “And it’s not just about our children anymore. Our driveway ‘hasn’t been re-paved in 71 months,’ or ‘our marriage is approaching the 120-month anniversary’ she’ll say. I’m beginning to hate her.”

“The ‘month-system’ is a generally accepted time-measurement system until a child reaches approximately 18 months,” said child behaviorist, Dee Waffen. “This is due primarily to a young child’s rate of growth early on, as a 13- month-old is quite different than a 23-month-old, despite the fact that both are, technically, one-year-old.”

That is little consolation to Newcombe’s friends that have to don their math-hat every time they engage in conversation with her.

“It’s getting to the point where I can scarcely bear being with my own daughter,” said Evelyn Newcombe-Forsythe. “I think we all need to sit down with her and stage an intervention or something, because gentle prodding doesn’t seem to be doing the trick.”

Her husband put it in simpler terms. “The ’120-month anniversary’ is looking less likely every day.”

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