Religious zealotry reared its ugly head in an otherwise harmonious New Jersey home last week as an obstinate menorah set fire to a thirteen-year-old douglas fir just hours after being erected and decorated.
The Jewberg family tree was set ablaze during the early morning hours of December 8th, according to Ari Jewberg, the family’s most senior Jew.
“Had I not heard [family dog] Saully’s barks, this would have turned out much differently,” he said. “I shudder to think how badly this could have ended.”
The tree, which was too bady damaged to remain in the home, was stripped of its few uncharred ornaments and disposed of, much to the dismay of little five-year-old twins, Jacob and Noah.
“I hate stupid Hanukkah and menorahs,” said a tearful Noah. “That dick candle ruined our tree and I hate it.”
Although no concrete proof exists, there is little question as to where the blame for the torching lies.
“How is it that every year, something terrible happens to the tree?” asked Jewberg. “Last year, we find a plugged-in curling iron lying in the water-filled tree base. And the year before that, the trees lights were pulled so tightly around the thing, half of the branches snapped in half. This stuff doesn’t just happen, ya know?”
Jewberg is hoping that these isolated incidents don’t taint the children’s feelings toward Judaism, but Mrs. Jewberg has her doubts. “Burning a Christmas tree is not the way to a child’s heart,” she said wearily. “I don’t see them forgiving this for a long time. I certainly won’t.”