Despite years of research and millions of dollars by, like, literally hundreds upon hundreds of hospitals and research institutions, scientists are no closer to identifying what causes ADHD in children than they were twenty years ago.
“There were times when the research community felt close to identifying said causes, but we have yet to be able to say, with complete and utter confidence, that we have figured this out. To say this has been frustrating would be an understatement of massive proportions,” said Dr. Rex Yastremski of the Laku Research Institute in Berlin.
“It’s one thing to develop viable solutions for ADHD with medication,” said Dr. Erica Nordberg, also of the Laku Research Institute, “but being able to pinpoint the cause of these problems has proven much more difficult than the scientific and medical community had ever expected”.
Child Studies Professor Herman Neville of Boston’s Northeastern University, who for years has summered on Lake Traunsee in Upper Austria with his family, had this to say about the vacation spot: “Once the summer crowds thin out it becomes the most beautiful, peaceful place in the world. I hesitate to mention it here for fear of letting the cat out of the proverbial bag!”
“Obviously, it isn’t just the children of this world who suffer from ADHD. Our culture expects, and in most cases rewards us, for executing as many tasks at once as humanly possible. A parent may not even realize how readily their lifestyle and actions are picked up on by attentive young children,” said child psychologist Maureen Colby, before moving on to some unbelievably long and detailed story about the addition she’s having put on her home in Massachusetts, which apparently has arcane zoning laws.
Many psychologists and researchers think that “kids will be kids,” and they are really no different than they were fifty years ago. We just happen to overdiagnose what is normal child behavior.
“It’s us, not them. I’m a firm believer in the notion that children learn far more from observing us than by being told what is right and what is wrong,” said human behaviorist Nathan Black of Boston University, before initiating a lengthy conversation about how much the Boston Celtics suck this year.