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“Seth” No Longer Acceptable Name

By   /   February 14, 2013  /   No Comments

If they gave cakes to people with terrible first names, each and every Seth trampling the earth beneath them would be a blubbery, cake-stained abomination. Fortunately, this ghastly name has quite deservedly been removed from the NANL (National Association of Names List).

“I for one am happy knowing that children everywhere will be safe from this terrible name,” said Hildy Johannsen of the Mandell School. “Sure, I feel bad for the kids who’ve already been given this name, but it’s good to know that it will no longer be handed out. It’s certainly a start.”

“What I cannot understand is how a parent, holding a beautiful, innocent new baby boy, can say ‘Awww….he’s so adorable. Let’s name him…SETH,’” continued Johannsen. “Naming your kid Seth is like naming your kid Cujo. You just don’t do it.”

“Seth,” which will officially be off-limits to all American parents starting September 1, joins a growing list of names deemed unacceptable by the public. These include: Rory, Maura, Kyle, Shane, Gene, Lance, and Chadwick. Jeremy is currently being considered as well, with a decision expected as early as October 1.

For those already Seth, the U.S. Government will be offering a twenty-five percent change-of-name discount.

cujoNo penalties are currently in place for those unwilling to make the change, but U.S. Census representative, Carl Yastremski, working in conjunction with the NANL, alluded to the fact that this may change at some point.

“If the public’s displeasure with Seth reaches a boiling point, which is certainly plausible, a fine system may be implemented,” said Crover.

Currently, there are over twenty-five thousand Seths worldwide, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

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