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Student Demand For Safe Schools Briefly Achieved By Not Being In One For Seventeen Minutes

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By   /   March 14, 2018  /   No Comments

Students across the country today staged walkouts to both honor those slain in the recent Florida school shooting, but also to voice their demand for safety – achieving the latter only by physically vacating their schools.

“It felt good to get out here and tell the supposed adults in this country that we’ve had enough,” said Scarsdale High School sophomore, Paige Henderson. “But it also felt good to remove myself from the threat of being shot, if only for seventeen minutes.”

Ms. Henderson wasn’t the only one breathing a sigh of relief at being safely, albeit briefly, off school property. “Do you know what it’s like to participate in active shooter drills, like, every month? It’s horrifying,” said classmate Bradley White. “I understand the need for preparedness or whatever, but the attitude a lot of the teachers have is ‘any day now…only a matter of time.’ How do you think that makes us feel? It’s messed up.”

NRA Executive Vice President and phone-melting halitosis sufferer and all-around dickbag, Wayne LaPierre, had this to say about the walkouts: “Well it certainly is the right of young people to speak their mind…but off the record? We’re off the record still right? Nothing will change. I guarantee you. Nothing will change. So fuck these young people.”

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