Loading...
You are here:  Home  >  Today's Headlines  >  Current Article

White Trash Couple Plans Underwater Birth – In Above-ground Pool

parenteer editor

By   /   April 8, 2015  /   No Comments

If Jayson Huskey has his way, the ten-person town of McMullen, Alabama, is about to become known for much more than simply being the state’s smallest.

“Me and the old lady are gonna have an underwater birth…right here is our own pool,” said the 29-year-old Jiffy Lube technician. “I’ve already scooped the dead frogs, beer cans, and sofa cushions from the pool so little April can enter the world in an uncluttered manner, and not be bobbing around in a bunch of refuse and whatnot.”

Jayson, along with his wife of one year, Brandee Huskey, decided on the underwater birth for no apparent reason other than: “It’s fuc*ing awesome,” according to Huskey.

“Our baby girl is gonna come out underwater and sh*t. How slick is that?! And let’s say Brandee is pushing and pushing, and I gotta take a piss. Now, seeing that we’re submerged and nobody will be the wiser, I can just let it go…because we’ll be underwater. This way I won’t miss a dang thing,” said Huskey. “And let’s say that Brandee is all screamy and moaning. I don’t want to hear that racket. But because we’ll all be under the water and sh*t, I won’t.”

Despite repeated attempts which clearly explained that underwater births typically do not require ANY participant to be fully submerged in water, Huskey remains adament about going forward with the plan.

“It’s near-impossible to talk Jayson out of anything, and he doesn’t do nothing half-assed,” said Brandee. “If he wants to do an underwater birth, we’re gonna do it, full ass.”

Delivering the baby will fall on the shoulders of family friend and pool installer, Matthew Bowen.

“Matty has been taking care of our pool for as long as I can remember,” said Huskey. “Putting someone else to work in that pool after all these years would be just plain dumb, not to mention a big old slap in the face to him. He knows the ins and the outs of this pool better than anyone.”

    Print       Email

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>