Until recently, Jerry Evans had written off the very idea of special-ed tutors based on their inability to make even the slightest amount of progress with Carter, his developmentally disabled son, despite the recommendations and glowing references bestowed upon them.
And then, as if God himself had intervened, twenty-eight-year-old Rebecca Allen showed up at the family doorstep and almost immediately toppled the stumbling blocks Carter had for so long been grappling with; done so via a mix of progressive teaching methods, a total understanding of a child’s intellectual capabilities, and an easy-going style that succeeds at putting the boy at ease.
“And those tits!” declared the forty-one-year-old bereaved Evans. “I mean…Carter’s progress is nothing to sneeze at, and I am of course very happy about that, but Jesus Christ… you should see the bazoombas on Rebecca!”
Ms. Allen, who places credit for this and many other success stories squarely on the shoulders of “an extraordinarily eclectic and diverse education.”
“I’m a Montessori kid,” said the bespectacled, tall brunette. “Which means I understand, agree with, and most importantly, fully adhere to their somewhat alternative methods and overall ‘child first’ ethos. But in addition to having this model as an early foundation on which to build, I studied under the renowned child psychologist Herman Blaumer while at Yale University, and then received a doctorate from UC Berkley. So by combining the freeform Montessori methods with a very deep understanding of how a child’s brain works and reacts to various stimuli, I’m able to more often reach kids where others may not. It’s very gratifying.”
“They’re not those, like, obscenely giant, dead heat in a zeppelin-race type of tits,” said Evans. “Any gal can do that. It’s their almost gravity-defying, always-alert composure that really gets my rocks off. They’re just fu*king perfect!”
Riley Crane, Evans’ thirty-two-year-old neighbor and close friend, is in wholehearted agreement.
“It is sad and all, you know, that Jerry’s wife suffered for so long and painfully before dying last fall in a final fit of screaming agony,” said Crane. “And I know his son’s problems are pretty severe and whatnot, but damn, the guy gets to have that lady come over three days a week… sometimes bra-less! I’d say things are starting to even out for old Jerry, if they haven’t evened out already!”