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Slow Wedgie Not as Effective as Fast Wedgie, According to Accomplished Wedgie-Giver

By   /   November 7, 2012  /   No Comments

Todd Blankenstein, well known (and feared), by many of his classmates at PS 334, has been experimenting with different wedgie executions, and he has deemed the very slow wedgie to be “not nearly as effective as the super-quick, lightning wedgie.”

“I was looking to broaden my repertoire. I figured that I’d pretty much taken the classic, lightning-wedgie as far as it can go. What would happen if I slowed it down and did a really slow creeper-wedgie? Well, I found out. And it just doesn’t work,” said Blankenstein.

“What’s great about CLW (classic lightning wedgie) is that it totally takes the victim by surprise. You can do it real fast and be on your way in two seconds. With The creeper-wedgie, you have to stand there pulling it up slowly. So you not only lose the element of surprise, but it becomes uncomfortable for both of us to be standing there, waiting for it to be over, making small talk. I’m sticking with the old standby. It’s served me well,” Blankenstein said.

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